I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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