HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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