I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
