Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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