Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
