Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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