READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
