and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
