Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
