and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
