garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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