god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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