saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
