Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
