I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
