I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
