If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
