There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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