i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
