I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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