so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
