I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
