they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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