I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
