Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
