fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
