you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
