Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
