So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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