So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
