I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
