tell your sister to shave her snatch
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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