Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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