You work out of a Hotel?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
