He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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