Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
