omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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