So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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