last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
