I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
