My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
