Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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