I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
