i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
