In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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