no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
