I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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