She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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