I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i believe in u and ur pee
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
