maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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