I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
