Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
