She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
