i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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