You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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