.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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