I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
