He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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