Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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