two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
