if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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