She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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