What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
