We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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