Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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