return my video game
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
