we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
