Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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