Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
