my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
