Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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