Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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