u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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