im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
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I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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