Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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