Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
