I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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