Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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