After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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