Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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