Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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