gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he thought i was a dude.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
